Monday, April 02, 2007
have the sudden urge to resurrect dis blog. now dat every1 probably thinks it's no longer in use cos i officially closed it down slightly over 1/2 a year ago, i think it's a gd time to bring it back to life. i need a channel for me to let out some stuff, but yet i feel the need to keep even my closest frens at bay for now, at the very least.
sometimes i think pple seriously underestimate the power of the words they use, horribly underestimating the effects of their seemingly implied meaning. by saying so, u cannot imagine how much benefit of the doubt i am giving to the person i'm directing this post at.
u said u did not mean ur words the way i interpreted them. but ur english is so simple, ur meaning undeniably clear to me. is there room for me to misunderstand n misinterpret? no, i cant find even the tiniest tiniest reason for me to convince myself dat it is merely a misunderstanding on my part n a misrepresentation on ur part. n y is it dat everytime we hav a quarrel, it must always b a misunderstanding?
u always think dat u noe everything abt the psychology of females, but let me tell u this. from my point of view, u noe nothing salient. by posting dat post on OUR joint blog, it only served to show me how insensitive n selfish u r because u nv bothered to consider my feelings n wad i wld think after reading it. it has made me lose all confidence in our relationship, made me lose all my trust in u, made me lose all my dreams n anticipation i had abt us spending the rest of our lives together.
i cld throw back a thousand times the worth of hurt n disappointment u inflicted on me, but u noe wad? i will choose to b kind. by my silence n outward nonchalance, trust me n b thankful dat u'r receiving a much kinder treatment than i think u deserve from me.
all ur efforts at coaxing me n ur load of explanation will b fruitless because i choose not to coaxed once again into believing things dat i always cant find reasons to believe in. yet, for countless times, i fall prey to ur pitiful pleadings, ur largely incoherent explanations, ur stupid flowers n cards, ur unrelentless pestering, ur insignificant amount of tears, n most importantly, all ur frivolous promises.
"if u ask me if i still love my past girlfriends, i'll say i do", "love someone only when u can love her for forever no matter what happens, whether u are tog, or not tog, even after she die, even after u die" -- fine by me. love every1 forever then. i dun think wad u said is right or wrong because there is no right or wrong to dat. but if lyk u said, ur heart is v small, mayb since the beginning all the space is alr taken up by those who came before me, so i nv made it inside in the first place. i dun think u have enough love to spread around.
n isnt it such a pure coincidence dat u blogged such a post the day after py's bday party? *rolls eyes* dun take me for an idiot tho u love to call me one. it's q farny really. in fact, i'm not jealous if dat's y u think i'm unhappy. i just think it's so naive n careless of me to have missed out considering seriously at the start abt how ur past relationships will affect us. n how silly i am not to heed my frens' advice n not learning from past experiences. how many times have we argued abt dis? at least thrice. n how many time did we break up over dis? at least twice.
i dun think i'm being unreasonable no matter how unreasonable u think i am. i dun think it's wrong of me to want my bf to only have me in his heart, instead of leaving corners of it still filled with past gfs whom u so loudly proclaim to still have love for. it is ridiculous n unbelievable dat u cld post such stuff on our blog thinking dat i will b okay with it. wld u wan me to post on our blog, saying things dat have the same meaning as "i love moses forever. i still love him even tho we'r not together anymore because (i quote from u)
loving someone doesnt = being with someone"?
after yq read ur post, she said if wx ever post such a thing, they'r over. but u noe wad? i dun have the feeling of wanting to break up, but i dun wan to patch up either. i dont want to make a rash decision abt whether or not this relationship of ours is worth continuing. i just wan to continue not talking to u until i feel better n come to terms with it. shdnt we take a step back, take some time apart to evaluate our relationship objectively? i think now is a gd time to do just dat.
secretly i was always worried dat i cld not replace yy in ur heart cos u were tog for a longer time after all. altho dat's not wad u were saying in ur post, i didnt expect u to profess ur undying love for ur past gfs right after the day we saw yy, right there in OUR blog for me to read, for every1 to read.
u have no respect for me at all. n u say u love only me forever? fuck it.
random thoughts at 9:31:00 PM
